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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27821458">The Estuary</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaHay/pseuds/AnnaHay'>AnnaHay</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Adventure Zone (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adoption, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Family Reunions, Fluff, Foster Care, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by The Parent Trap (1998)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:27:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,087</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27821458</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaHay/pseuds/AnnaHay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s a kid on the bench across from her, all the way at the other end of the cafeteria-- legs crossed, head ducked as he chips away his nail polish. He kind of looks like her. Barry would get a kick out of that.</p>
<p>The boy lifts his head, and their eyes meet.</p>
<p>His narrow.</p>
<p>“Fuck,” mutters Lup, and drops her sandwich.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lup makes it into the IPRE's teen summer program with early acceptance. Taako is also there. They meet for the first, well, technically  second time in thirteen years, and then this happens.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Barry Bluejeans &amp; Lup, Lup &amp; Taako (The Adventure Zone), Magnus Burnsides &amp; Taako, The Director | Lucretia &amp; Lup</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Estuary</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daydreaming_In_The_Void/gifts">Daydreaming_In_The_Void</a>.</li>



    </ul><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>happy birthday void!! your birthday was one hundred years ago but to be fair I only knew it was your birthday ON your birthday so I have an excuse for this being ridiculously late, anyway enjoy</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lup’s dad says that she’s naturally analytic, but there’s a lot about her that Davenport doesn’t know. Like, about the time she stole her ex foster parents’ Toyota pickup and crashed it into a mailbox when she was nine. Or the time she and Barry decided to hold a traditional Norse funeral for their dead cat, and sent it flaming down the creek in a shoebox. If anyone asks her how she managed to be one of the youngest candidates sent-- on scholarship, no less-- to the IPRE’s junior summer astronaut program, she will tell them that she bribed the interviewer (“She didn’t… actually,” Barry adds after one such instance, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Just to clarify.”</p>
<p>Lup only shrugs in response. Keep them guessing, y’know?)</p>
<p>All this is to say, she doesn’t notice the kid with her face, standing five feet away while she lines up to be signed in for orientation. She doesn’t notice anything strange at all until she gives her name at check-in, and the nice lady with the clipboard remarks, “Interesting that you and your brother don’t share a last name.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Lup agrees, “it is.”</p>
<p>The lady hands Lup a name tag sticker and points her towards the cafeteria. Lup thanks her and leaves.</p>
<p>An important thing to note, here, is that Lup does not have a brother. This is a staple, when considering the whole of her. Lup was passed around between family members who didn’t want her until she was six years old. No one ever said anything about a brother. She’d <em> wished </em> for a brother-- wanted to be like the Boxcar Children; they could run away from their asshole relatives and live in the woods, solving mysteries or something. Instead she got kicked into foster care, where apparently, chasing your dreams of a life on the land gets you labelled as a “flight risk.” Figures.</p>
<p>Anyway. No brother. Lup figures the woman must’ve been confused. She feels a little pressed towards going back and asking for elaboration, but it doesn’t seem like a situation worth risking small talk over.</p>
<p>And then something weird happens.</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>According to Lucretia, the IPRE would naturally want to focus on more college-oriented students, so the majority of slots were given to juniors and seniors. The freshman, plus Lup (whose place here is not on terms with any code of honesty), are quarantined here. Lup would argue that this system isn’t totally fair, but then again, what else is new.</p>
<p>The cafeteria is, upon entry, loud. Lup shuffles in past crowded tables and finds an open bench against the wall, a prime spot to put her stuff down and sit. Pulls a PB&amp;J courtesy of Davenport out of her bag, and begins surveying.</p>
<p>Somehow, it seems that cliques have already formed. The few other people who seem to be refraining from mingling are in similar positions to Lup’s-- doodling stars on their shell toe sneakers, reading novels, people-watching.</p>
<p>There’s a kid on the bench across from her, all the way at the other end of the cafeteria-- legs crossed, head ducked as he chips away his nail polish. He kind of looks like her. Barry would get a kick out of that.</p>
<p>The boy lifts his head, and their eyes meet.</p>
<p>His narrow.</p>
<p>“Fuck,” mutters Lup, and drops her sandwich.</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>They are paired together for icebreakers, and for everything else.</p>
<p>Their unit is twelve people, sitting in a circle on the slightly damp grass, playing a clean Never Have I Ever with their supervisor named Brad, who looks like a Buzzfeed employee. Lup’s… god, her twin, because he must be, because they are identical-- not just in their similarities; the tilts of their eyebrows, the shapes of their mouths, but <em> really </em>identical, in the way they sit and breathe and frown-- he sits sort of diagonally from her, so it’s difficult to look at him in an organic way. But she can’t stop. He’s thin, and he has fidgety hands, and he’s got nearly the same haircut as Lup, minus her bangs, and his being just slightly shorter. They both have dark skin. They both have sharp noses and slanted eyes. Undoubtedly, they are related. Separated at birth. Like a TV show or something.</p>
<p>She’s not sure how to integrate this information into her worldview.</p>
<p>Some kid in the circle has never been to Disneyworld. Four people put a finger down, who have. Lup watches as her brother is one of them. Feels like crying.</p>
<p>“Taako,” he says on his turn. He’s stiff. Won’t meet her gaze. <em> Taako. </em> “I’m from Florida, reluctantly. Never have I ever won at space camp, but I guess that’s about to change.”</p>
<p>This gets a few uneasy laughs. Taako doesn’t even react to them. Lup wonders if they were separated on purpose, or if it was some mistake within the system. She pulls up individual blades of grass, and her hands sweat.</p>
<p>“There’s nothing to win,” Brad points out neutrally. “Next?”</p>
<p>The game keeps going around. Lup thinks about the first six years of her life, the relatives who kept her in daycare and afterschool programs until seven o’clock in the evening, the teenage cousins whose bedrooms she slept in, the aunts and uncles and distant cousins who’d take her in for a few months to a year before passing her on to the next unfamiliar face. Did they know? Was Lup in the dark on purpose?</p>
<p>Did <em> Taako </em> ever know?</p>
<p>The circle goes suddenly silent and Lup realizes that everybody is looking at her expectantly. It’s her turn.</p>
<p>“Oh,” she says, surprised and glad when her voice comes out steady. “Sorry, um. I’m Lup, I’m from Oregon.”</p>
<p>“And you’ve never…?” Brad prompts.</p>
<p>Lup swallows. Glances at Taako, who still won’t look at her. “I, uh…”</p>
<p>She can’t answer for a long time. He… what if they <em> kept </em>him? What if Lup was the one their parents didn’t want, and so while she was shipped off to the west coast, Taako stayed in Florida with them, sleeping in a room by himself, going to the same school every year; a childhood full of little league cards, fucking Chuck E Cheese birthday parties.</p>
<p>Brad’s voice comes, “If you want to pass--”</p>
<p>“Never have I ever met my biological parents,” she claims, watching her brother intently. Just about everyone else puts a finger down. Taako glances at her and frowns a little, but all his fingers stay up.</p>
<p>Cool, horrible relief crashes in her stomach.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry to hear that,” says Brad, waspishly, and then it’s someone else’s turn.</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>“I know,” she tells Barry on the phone. “It’s like the Parent Trap. Except-- yeah, identical. Can Lucy hear all this? Hi, yeah, apparently his name is Taako...”</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>Undoubtedly, they are the two youngest in this joint; it’s the summer before eighth grade and the IPRE only accepts high schoolers into the teen program. Either Taako is a prodigy, or he lied on his application, like her. He hasn’t admitted to being thirteen yet. But they have the same face.</p>
<p>She thinks about writing him a note, to begin with. <em> I’m sorry we got separated. </em> Or, <em> Our bio relatives are all assholes, but you seem cool. </em> Or even something dumb, like, <em> Hey, nice face. </em></p>
<p>In the end, she draws him a cartoon jellyfish, on a piece of paper torn from her notebook. <em> We are i-tentacle, </em> says the jellyfish, in a little speech bubble. She folds the paper and passes it over to him during a physics demonstration.</p>
<p>The paper comes back a couple minutes later.</p>
<p><em> jellyfish don’t have tentacles, </em> is written underneath her picture. <em> but it’s a nice effort. </em></p>
<p>The jellyfish has been given a little wizard hat.</p>
<p>Lup frowns. <em> Yes they do, </em> she writes back. <em> That’s how they sting you. </em></p>
<p>
  <em> those are tendrils amiga </em>
</p>
<p>Lup scoffs. <em> They are long sexy legs, </em>she writes, and adds little boots onto the jellyfish, plus a kissy face.</p>
<p>Taako doesn’t answer this time, but she can hear him snort quietly in amusement.</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>She doesn’t mean to startle him, the first time Lup speaks to her twin brother since being separated as babies, but. Here they are, huh? Go figure.</p>
<p>They’re at a campfire, set up outside the dorm, surrounded by other teenagers who are mostly just talking to each other; some getting yelled at for sneakily trying to throw marshmallows and leaves and other supplies into the fire. Taako is on one of the benches by himself, knees to his chest, watching the fire when Lup sits down next to him-- she isn’t even particularly clumsy about it, but he flinches in surprise.</p>
<p>“Sorry!” Lup exclaims, hands going up in truce. “Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to--”</p>
<p>“All good,” Taako tells her, cracking a toothy smile. “Your name is Lup, right?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” says Lup, slumping a little in relief, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. He’s smiling. This feels like the right direction.</p>
<p>“Taako,” he says, offering a hand. “Uh, hail and well met and stuff.”</p>
<p>Lup giggles, shaking his hand. “Ditto.”</p>
<p>His hands are just a little shaky, she notices. His face is a perfect mask of pleasantry, but he’s shaking. She doesn’t know what to make of that.</p>
<p>“What brings you?” he asks, turning back to the fire after they let go.</p>
<p>Lup hesitates. This is uncharted territory, and she doesn’t want to fuck it up. But how is she supposed to answer that? “Uh, well,” she begins slowly. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but--”</p>
<p>“Yeah, okay, fair,” he cuts in, waving her off. “Dumb question. I get it.”</p>
<p>They go quiet for a beat. When Lup does speak again, the only thing she can think to say is, awkwardly, “So. Do you want a marshmallow?”</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>They’re both laughing, cross-legged on Taako’s bed, having snuck away from the campfire with a whole bag of marshmallows tucked under Lup’s shirt. It’s already been at least an hour of getting to know each other, talking about anything and everything.</p>
<p>“Eating habits one-oh-one, babe,” he tells her, cutting into her story about finding partially dissected chicken parts in Barry’s room-- which, admittedly, she had been trying to give around an entire marshmallow.</p>
<p>Still. She shoves another one in, for spite. “Anyway,” she says, muffled, and then immediately snorts at the incredulous look on Taako’s face. Consequently, she begins to choke.</p>
<p>“Holy shit,” says Taako, and then he pounds Lup on the back a couple times. Her eyes water, and she manages to swallow.</p>
<p>“Oh my god,” she croaks. Taako passes her a water bottle, and she utters, “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Stop fucking talking, oh my god, drink,” he urges. She does, and hears him murmur fondly, “How are we even related?”</p>
<p>Lup shrugs, still drinking, and then finishes, wiping her mouth with her sleeve and passing the water back.</p>
<p>“We are,” she tells him. Takes a strand of her hair, wiggles it in his direction. “Same hair, see?”</p>
<p>Taako smiles. Takes one of her hands, presses their palms together. “Same hands,” he says, playing along.</p>
<p>Lup grins. “Same face.”</p>
<p>“Same face,” he agrees.</p>
<p>Lup closes her lips around her smile. Taako sighs and drops their hands.</p>
<p>“Is it weird if I…” she begins, tentative.</p>
<p>“If you what?”</p>
<p>Lup frowns at the bag of marshmallows set between them. Unexpectedly, her lip starts to quiver a little bit, but if Taako notices then he doesn’t say anything.</p>
<p>“If I kind of missed you?” she gets out.</p>
<p>It doesn’t make sense, objectively. But it does explain the weird spaces in her childhood, in her <em> life, </em> in the cracks between her thoughts. The bad days, pushing her family away out of some instinctual response to an unsolvable loneliness. The ugly, inexplicable sadness that keeps her awake sometimes. The missing piece.</p>
<p>(The onslaught of love and joy she feels now. The way her hand twitches, eager to be holding onto his. Her heart is overwhelmingly full. It’s increasingly and embarrassingly hard to keep from crying.)</p>
<p>Taako doesn’t answer, for a bit, but he does reach over and link his pinky loosely around hers.</p>
<p>“Nah,” he says, quiet. “I get it.”</p>
<p>She believes him.</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>There are repercussions to going into the foster care system at the age of six. Like, first of all, people want to adopt babies, right? Not the too-skinny six year olds, the little kids who are already fucked up and too traumatized to feel love or whatever-- Lup never saw much sense in that whole idea, but her opinion never mattered much to the pitying case workers or the wannabe saviors of orphans, anyway. She was tossed between foster families for four years; broke a few walls, broke a few bones, tore up a few teddy bears. Nothing lasted until Davenport.</p>
<p>There is an upside, though, to going late into the system. Lup gets to know more or less where she came from. Her early childhood isn’t exactly a sweet memory, but at least it isn’t a question mark. She gets to remember her aunt in Kansas, remember how she was before she got sick, the songs and family recipes and stories she learned in the brief time she was there.</p>
<p>Taako, on the other hand.</p>
<p>“I’m pretty sure we were born in California,” Lup offers, sitting beside Taako on a long, wooden swing near their dorm, shoulders pressed together. The physical contact is comforting for both of them. A blue, mostly deflated balloon is tied to one of the ropes, and drags around in the dirt as they rock.</p>
<p>It’s still incredibly strange, being around him. Like looking at the ghost of-- the past, maybe, or not even that, but of some alternate present. Lup can’t stop thinking about it. It’s in the grip of his hands on either side of the swing, the brief scuffing of his shoes against the dirt, the way he tilts his head back to look at the sunset splintering through the tree branches above them.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Taako asks.</p>
<p>Lup nods. “A lot of our biological relatives are there.” She kicks the dirt, sets the swing going a little faster. “I only went into foster care when I was six.”</p>
<p>“Huh.” Taako leans back. She can’t tell if he’s actually interested, or not. “Are you still in foster care?” he asks.</p>
<p>“Nope.” Lup pops her P. “I got adopted two years ago. What about you?”</p>
<p>He shakes his head. “Still a ward of the state, or whatever.”</p>
<p>Lup hums thoughtfully. “How do you think you ended up in Florida?”</p>
<p>Taako shrugs. “They tell me I have a cousin who gave me up when I was a baby. So. I guess I got sent to some family member who decided not to keep me? Then, y’know. Into the system I fuckin’ went. Been here twelve years strong.”</p>
<p>Lup is quiet for a while. Presses down on the balloon with her shoe. She thinks about her bed at home, in her room with Lucretia, covered in rainbow colored sheets and pillows with cowboys on them, the most outrageous clash of themes just because Davenport had said that it was her bed and she could do what she liked with it. Sticky notes on the wall beside her-- doodles and haikus from Lucretia, mostly, alongside a periodic table poster decorated with superheroes from Barry. She thinks about being five and sleeping on a bare mattress on the floor.</p>
<p>Where is Taako, on that spectrum? Would it even be okay for her to ask?</p>
<p>Lup hesitates. “Are you, like...”</p>
<p>No, she went into it too soon. Lup finds herself unable to finish the question. <em> Happy? Loved? </em></p>
<p>“Am I what,” he asks, a little flat.</p>
<p>“Safe,” she settles on. She frowns at the balloon, doesn’t quite pop it. “That’s not a stupid question, is it?”</p>
<p>Taako shrugs. “I don’t know. I mean, I don’t really know how to answer that. I guess I’m safe? For now. My foster dad’s kind of a weirdo, but, y’know. That’s-- that’s ‘cause he’s from Florida.”</p>
<p>Lup snorts quietly. “Florida,” she muses. She spends a softened moment looking at Taako, and says, “Good. Me too. I’m safe, too.”</p>
<p>“Good,” echoes Taako, quiet, knocking her foot with his.</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>“You’re on speaker,” Lup says into the phone, cross legged on her bed, bag of potato chips leaning against her side. She’s in her pajamas and an elastic headband, hair still wet from the shower, peering up at her brother, who sits across from her, quiet. “Guess who’s with me?”</p>
<p>There is some sudden, muffled noise coming across the line, and then Barry stammers, “The-- the--”</p>
<p>“Taako?” Lucretia cuts in, voice lilted with excitement.</p>
<p>“Yeah, hey,” says Taako, and there is some gasping, some shouting on the other end of the phone line.</p>
<p>“We’re meeting him <em> now?” </em> Lucretia cries.</p>
<p>“You guys are friends already?” Barry asks.</p>
<p>Lup laughs. “Yes and yes,” she confirms, and then falters. “I-- we are, right? Yes,” she says, looking to Taako for confirmation, because it would be awkward if Lup wanted a relationship and Taako was just here for closure. It’s a stupid thing to worry about, considering how quickly they’ve fallen into sync, but she can’t help herself.</p>
<p>“‘Course,” he says gently, flicking her lightly on the forehead, and Lup smiles crookedly in relief, swatting his hand away.</p>
<p>“Oh man,” says Barry. “This is-- I mean, nice to meet you, kind of? Over the phone, at least.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you-- you’re Barry, right? You too,” says Taako.</p>
<p>It’s weird hearing them talk like this. In a good way, though. Lup sort of can’t stop smiling.</p>
<p>“I’m Barry, yeah. And--”</p>
<p>“Lucretia,” adds Lucy. “It’s a pleasure.”</p>
<p>“Guess we’re all indirectly related, now,” says Taako, reaching across the phone to grab a handful of chips. Lup swats his hand playfully, but brings the bag to rest in between them. “How’s Thanksgiving at your place?”</p>
<p>Lup laughs.</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>“Angus is almost one. Magnus is… twelve, I think,” he tells her, after they hang up with Lup’s family. “You’d like him. He has a lot of energy.”</p>
<p><em> Angus, </em> she catalogues. <em> Magnus. </em> Two brothers, plus a foster dad mentioned earlier. One <em> baby </em> brother. Lup’s baby brother, now, in a way? She takes a deep breath, trying to keep from getting overexcited.</p>
<p>“Can we call them? Lup asks eagerly, resting on one elbow. They’ve mostly finished the chips, and both of them keep yawning, having stayed on the phone with Barry and Lucretia for nearly two hours. She isn’t ready to stop, yet, though. She wants to meet her brother’s family so badly it aches.</p>
<p>Taako hesitates. “Yeah, I… I haven’t actually told them about you, yet.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” She settles down, a little bit discouraged, a little bit worried. “Okay. Well, you-- are you gonna?”</p>
<p>“I… eventually,” Taako says, squirming. “I just… Magnus isn’t good with secrets, and...”</p>
<p>He’s not ready. She tries not to be disappointed. He said they were friends, and she believes him.</p>
<p>Lup takes his hand.</p>
<p>“It’s okay,” she says, smiling reassuringly at him. “Take your time. I get it.”</p>
<p>Taako smiles softly back.</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>They send pizza to space.</p>
<p>Vans take their division in groups of six to a field, in a rural area of Virginia. It takes a radio tracker, a GPS, two boxes of pizza, a styrofoam cooler and a weather balloon, plus a lot of duct tape. They separate the pizza slices and throw them all into the cooler, tape it shut, and send it off, attached to the weather balloon.</p>
<p>“It won’t technically be in space,” says their instructor. “The balloon will keep expanding and then pop when it reaches a thin enough atmosphere, so that’s only about a third of the way to the Kármán line, which, as you should know, is where outer space officially begins. The equipment will parachute down and it should land within five miles of here, accounting for wind and weather. And then,” he says, “we’ll track it on the GPS, open up the box, and eat some delicious-- possibly frozen-- pizza.”</p>
<p>“What if it comes back and the pizza is missing,” Taako murmurs, as they watch the balloon ascend. Lup snorts.</p>
<p>“Or, like, all the slices have a bite taken out,” she adds.</p>
<p>Taako grins. “Fuck, we should’ve-- that’d make such a good prank.”</p>
<p>“Eat one of the slices, leave the crust?”</p>
<p>“These nerds would’ve lost their shit,” he cackles.</p>
<p>“That’s good,” she agrees, grinning up at the balloon, nudging him as he stifles his laughter with the back of his hand.</p>
<p>The slices come back intact. The GPS pings them an hour later, and they drive a few miles to a reservation, which is where they find the pizza.</p>
<p>Everyone gets one slice. The twins sit on top of a picnic table with theirs, and Lup raises hers to the sky.</p>
<p>“To the aliens,” she toasts, linking their arms.</p>
<p>“Amen,” says Taako.</p>
<p>The space pizza is slimy, covered in cold grease. Taako chucks his into the woods after one bite— “I would’ve eaten that,” Lup complains.</p>
<p>“Lu, I’ll <em> make </em> you actually decent pizza.”</p>
<p>“What, back at camp? How’re you gonna pull that one off, dingus?”</p>
<p>“Watch me.”</p>
<p>--and they pile back into the vans an hour or so later. Lup falls asleep on his shoulder on the way back.</p>
<p>Taako doesn’t seem to mind.</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>“This is a sin,” mutters Taako, sitting in the cafeteria with toast, ketchup packets, and deli-sliced mozzarella spread out between him and Lup, who cackles because she cannot disagree.</p>
<p>“Work your magic, pizza boy!”</p>
<p>“I hate you,” he complains. “We aren’t related.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I love you too,” she counters, grinning. Taako rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling, too.</p>
<p>“Now make me a pizza,” she demands. Taako squirts her with one of the ketchup packets, and she screams.</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>The first week ends. Taako and Lup are already inseparable. It’s… fantastic, it’s amazing, and Lup is iridescently happy.</p>
<p>She’s also terrified.</p>
<p>“What’s gonna happen to us when camp ends?” Lup whispers. They are sitting on the swing, again, facing opposite ends, long past the time they are required to be in bed. It’s a thing that happens, sometimes-- Lup will get restless, crawl into Lucretia’s bed to see if that does anything-- it doesn’t, and she’ll usually end up heading elsewhere to watch TV or draw a picture or something. Sometimes she gets woken up on the couch, sometimes she gets to have the fun and exciting experience of sleep deprivation for a little while. It’s cool.</p>
<p>Tonight, she’s got a door to knock on quietly. A twin brother who can come out in a baggy T-shirt advertising some adventure camp (“Magnus’s,” he explains. “His shit is comfortable, alright? He knows I took it.”) and agree to go for a walk with her after a ten word exchange-- “Hey. Couldn’t sleep.”</p>
<p>“No shit. Okay, give me one second.”</p>
<p>Taako is leaning way back on the swing, his hair nearly brushing the dirt below them. “They hunt us for sport,” he jokes casually, head angled so that she can really only see the stretch of his neck at this point. “We know way too many government secrets, now.”</p>
<p>Lup plays along. “Okay. Fair. Do we get to fight back, at least?”</p>
<p>“Can’t stop us, can they?”</p>
<p>“You’re right,” she agrees.</p>
<p>She’s kind of not in the mood for goofs. Taako can read this, apparently, because he’s quiet for a long time.</p>
<p>“We go home, I guess,” he answers eventually, honestly, quietly.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Lup sighs, because it does hurt to hear, though she doesn’t know what other answer there is to be given. “I guess that’s-- yeah.” She shifts, tugs on the hem of his shirt. “C’mere?”</p>
<p>Taako sits upright, looking at her. He’s upset, and he’s trying to hide it, but she can tell because he’s flaring his nostrils a little, and Lucretia says Lup always does that when she’s in a bad mood, too. Lup laces their fingers.</p>
<p>She raises an eyebrow down at their hands. “We could switch places?” she suggests, half serious.</p>
<p>Taako laughs. “Okay, yeah, let’s-- let me know how that goes for you, huh?” he kids, pumping his legs to make them swing faster, and Lup rolls her eyes.</p>
<p>She pushes him. Taako flounders to catch himself, and then shoves her back. His trajectory is off and they both topple off the swing together; nearly get matching concussions.</p>
<p>“Oh <em> shit--” </em> Taako begins to shout, hand going to his head, and Lup quickly rolls over to clamp a hand over his mouth, because it is midnight and they are definitely not allowed to be out here making noise right now.</p>
<p>Taako narrows his eyes and licks her palm.</p>
<p>“Shut the<em> fuck </em>up,” Lup cries. She wipes her hand down his face in retaliation and he splutters.</p>
<p>“The Cain instinct is so real,” he complains, wrestling with her to try and sit up, “I’m gonna murder you in your <em> sleep </em>--”</p>
<p>A light goes on in the dorm. Taako and Lup both swear and scramble behind the tree, holding their breath.</p>
<p>“Your fault,” Taako whispers, and Lup shoves him back over.</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>Lup holds Taako’s hand while he breaks the news to Magnus.</p>
<p>She is patient for a long time, listening to one half of their conversation-- (“Speaking of Ango, he’s eleven months last Tuesday, right? Shit, we need to figure out, like, actual birthday stuff for him-- they do personalized rubber ducks at the toy store on Prospect, we could get a bunch of those, maybe, do his favorite characters or all of us or something? No, do not let Merle take the lead on this, he’ll do some shitty luau theme-- no, it’s tacky. I’ll be home in two weeks. You can hold him off that long. Magnus, I’m serious, do <em> not </em> enable him--”)</p>
<p>“A twin,” Magnus cries, once he has been put on speaker and introduced to Lup-- like, he’s literally, actually crying a little bit. Lup loves him already. “Identical? I mean, I guess you’d have to be, right?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Lup confirms, trying not to laugh. “We’re identical.”</p>
<p>“Which one was that? You guys even sound the same,” he says, all sniffly and choked up.</p>
<p>“Me. Lup. Girl twin,” says Lup, smiling. “Hey, you alright, babe?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” says Magnus, shakily. “This is just really great. I’m happy for you. This is so cool. Uh, welcome to the family, I guess?”</p>
<p>“Thank you!” Lup laughs.</p>
<p>“I’d hug you, I just-- shit, how is this gonna work?” he asks. “Are you gonna-- where do you live? You’ll have to come and visit, right?”</p>
<p>These are the questions Lup has been mostly trying to avoid. “I… yeah,” she begins, looking at Taako unsurely. His mouth is twisted up, a little, and he keeps looking at the phone. “I’m from Oregon, so it’s gonna be hard, but. Y’know, it’s…” she trails off. Taako, mercifully, picks up for her.</p>
<p>“You have to come see us at the beach house,” he tells her. “We’ve got a sailboat and shit. It’s dope.”</p>
<p>“Yes!” cries Magnus enthusiastically. “We went shopping on Thursday and got matching, like, sailor themed life-jackets?”</p>
<p>“Oh dear god,” mutters Taako.</p>
<p>“No, don’t worry, we got you one too. It’s great, they have little scarves, and--”</p>
<p>“Magnus, my friend, I’m afraid you must be breaking up because there is no way you’re expecting me to--”</p>
<p>“We’re gonna order a little captain’s hat for Angus and sailor hats for the rest of us, he’s gonna be the little baby captain, like. ‘<em> Anchors away,’ </em> in his little <em> baby </em> voice--” Magnus continues, either oblivious to Taako’s utter rejection of this idea or ignoring it, cooing in a way that implies Angus actually being in the room with him.</p>
<p>Taako looks at Lup from underneath his eyelashes, like, <em> see what I have to deal with? See what kind of shit they get up to as soon as I’m gone? </em></p>
<p>It’s hilarious. She loves it. Mostly she’s glad that this is her brother’s life, now, and that he’s not living in some awful people’s basement or getting shoved around by asshole foster siblings. Hearing the love and excitement in Magnus’s voice is incredibly reassuring. Not that she had been worried.</p>
<p>But she had been a little worried.</p>
<p>They talk a while longer, but eventually Magnus is called away by Merle, who needs help with something furniture related, and they hang up with a promise to call again soon.</p>
<p>The twins sit quietly once the line goes silent, still holding hands over Taako’s comforter, having never actually let go since telling Magnus of Lup’s existence.</p>
<p>“Hey. You okay?” she asks him gently.</p>
<p>“‘Course,” he tells her, but Lup can feel him thinking about the question only <em> after </em> he answers, and waits patiently.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he says then, with a confident nod, looking at her. “I’m good.”</p>
<p>“Me too,” says Lup, and squeezes his hand.</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>She’s telling him a story while he paints her nails blue in the common room, about her family, about Lucretia and Barry and Davenport, about <em> home-- </em> which is a word she’s still proud to be able to say.</p>
<p>“You missing your people?” Taako asks casually, still focused on doing her nails.</p>
<p>It’s not an unusual question, but Lup is taken kind of off-guard by it anyway. “I… yeah,” she tells him, after a beat. “I am.”</p>
<p>And she is.</p>
<p>Except, when she thinks about going home, something gross digs into her stomach, and she can really only identify it as dread.</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>The party is not a party, so much as it is an awkward attempt at forcing the summer students to have fun outside their element. Plastic chairs set up around a makeshift dance floor, which acts more as repellent than anything else. Pizza box towers, grocery store cupcakes with bright green icing, a presumably rental disco ball. The twins sit at a table in the back, watching teens throw back cups of soda and shout over the music and each other.</p>
<p>(“Be my date to the space prom?” she’d asked him a couple of days ago, as soon as the party was announced.</p>
<p>“Mm, sorry. I’m gay,” he’d told her flatly.</p>
<p>Lup had gagged. “I’m your <em> sister, </em> why would that change <em> anything--”) </em></p>
<p>Everything sort of… culminates at the party, anyway. It starts with the Beastie Boys playing at full volume over the gritty boombox speakers, with Lup saying, “Watch this,” and standing up to do the macarena with a little too much confidence.</p>
<p>Taako raises his eyebrows, feigning judgement for a moment, but he laughs as soon as Lup grabs his arm and pulls him up. Grinning, she takes both his hands in hers and sways their arms, turns with him, cackles when she looks to the side and notices other kids watching them. Taako notices, too, and shakes his ass at them. Lup laughs harder. Taako tries to twirl her.</p>
<p>“I fuckin’ hate this song,” Taako says, just loud enough to be heard over the music, and it makes Lup laugh all over again. He’s right. It’s objectively a shitty song. They are dancing to it like maniacs and it is beautiful. Taako slides on his knees. Lup tries to moonwalk. It’s deplorable at best. Taako nearly loses his balance watching her, and they laugh and they laugh and they laugh.</p>
<p>The song ends, though. Transitions into something else, something slower. It happens while they are catching their breath, and Lup is dizzy, and she can’t stop-- <em> feeling. </em> Feeling too much. Camp is halfway over, and Taako is going to go home to Florida, and he’s gonna swim in the ocean and throw a birthday party for his baby brother, and Lup will be across the country doing what? How can she… <em> live, </em> now, knowing that Taako exists, and that he is entirely out of her reach?</p>
<p>Lup only takes a fraction of a moment to realize that her cheeks are wet before she is letting out a horrible, accidental sob.</p>
<p>Taako’s laughter solidifies mid-air. She can’t look at him, too embarrassed and surprised; looks at her hands instead, pressed to her abdomen like she’s protecting some terrible wound.</p>
<p>“Didn’t think I was that bad,” Taako murmurs, a joke, but there’s worry in his voice.</p>
<p>Inexplicably, Lup sobs again. Taako steps closer.</p>
<p>She feels like she is glued to the floor. She feels like she can’t breathe. They were laughing, and now it’s ruined. She’s ruining it, and she isn’t-- she wasn’t even <em> sad-- </em></p>
<p>There is a gentle but sturdy grip on her arm-- “Let’s go for a walk, huh?”-- and she feels herself being pulled into the fluorescent hallway, out the front doors and to the patio, where rain is pattering hard against the roof.</p>
<p>Taako helps her sit down on the concrete. “Hey,” he says, gentle and confused. “Come on, Lu, what’s--?”</p>
<p>She looks up at him, pitifully. He’s blurry through her tears, and she blinks, hard.</p>
<p>“What’s gonna happen to us when camp ends?” Lup sobs out, arms tight around her middle.</p>
<p>Taako falters. Leans back.</p>
<p>“I…” He trails off, unable to finish answering. Lup ducks her head.</p>
<p>They sit like this for too long. Lup gets herself under control, eventually, but they still don’t move until the music quiets from inside, signalling the end of the party. Taako takes her hand and brings her to the edge of the patio, where their sneakers start to get wet from the rain.</p>
<p>“We can’t just go back,” she whispers, after everything.</p>
<p>There are tears in Taako’s eyes when he says, “Okay.”</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>“Hold still,” Taako murmurs, fingers all tangled up in his sister’s hair. It’s ten o’clock at night, and they are about to give the word ‘identical’ a whole new meaning. “Jeez, Lulu, did you even brush this?”</p>
<p>“I did,” says Lup, defensive. “What, it’s not enough?”</p>
<p>
  <em> They agree, after Lup’s total breakdown, that being separated after camp is a no-go. How they’ll prevent it from happening is another question. </em>
</p>
<p>“The cut is gonna be uneven if we leave it like this. Here, where’s your—“</p>
<p>“Hairbrush,” grumbles Lup, passing it back to him.</p>
<p>
  <em> It takes roughly an hour of deep consideration before Lup remembers an idea she’d had earlier. </em>
</p>
<p>“Tell me if I’m hurting you,” he murmurs, and pulls the brush gently through, over and over until Lup’s hair is nice and soft and detangled. She tilts back into it unthinkingly. He feathers it out, murmurs something about wishing it were long enough to braid, and then he sighs and picks up the scissors.</p>
<p>
  <em> “Switch places,” she whispers, and Taako frowns. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “What?” </em>
</p>
<p>“Okay,” he utters. “Ready?”</p>
<p>Lup nods.</p>
<p>Taako hesitates. “Should we do the bangs first or last?”</p>
<p>Lup shrugs. “Doesn’t matter. Last.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” says Taako again. “Uh, really hold still for this part, okay? I cut my own hair but I’m not, like, a professional, so—“</p>
<p>“I know.” Lup smiles softly at him in the mirror. “It’s okay. I trust you.”</p>
<p>
  <em> “We switch. I go to Florida, you go to Oregon. They’ll have to switch us back eventually, right? We’ll be together when they do, and we can talk to them, we can--” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Convince them to merge households? I don’t know, Lu.” </em>
</p>
<p>He counters her smile by making a double chin. Lup uses one finger to pull up her nose and show off her nostrils.</p>
<p>
  <em> “No, it’ll work. How are they gonna rip us apart once they’ve seen us together like that? And if they don’t listen, then, I guess…” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Taako is quiet for a moment. “We could run,” he says. </em>
</p>
<p>“I can see your boogers,” Taako remarks.</p>
<p>“Shut up,” Lup says, slouching back down. “I don’t have boogers. <em> You’re </em> a booger.”</p>
<p>
  <em> Lup is a little startled. “What? Oh, Koko, I don’t know if--” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Just for a bit,” he says quickly. “Not, like, permanently. Just to prove a point.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> She sucks her teeth. “I mean…” </em>
</p>
<p><em> Lup’s been running away all her life, is the thing. She finally has a place where she can stay; a real, actual family, a </em> home, <em> and running from that now seems… ungrateful. Wrong. </em></p>
<p>
  <em> But Taako… </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> But Taako. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “As a last resort,” she says, and Taako nods. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “As a last resort.” </em>
</p>
<p>“Uh-huh,” he continues, unimpressed. “I’m also the one who is about to chop your hair off so maybe watch what you say.”</p>
<p>She blows him a raspberry.</p>
<p>“Cute. Here we go, then.” Taako takes a strand of Lup’s hair between two fingers, and the scissors in his other hand. Lup shuts her eyes.</p>
<p>
  <em> “Okay,” she breathes, anxious and excited. “Let’s do this.” </em>
</p>
<p>There is a quiet <em> snip, </em> and the first strand of hair falls gently to the floor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <a href="https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/EKAmLXRkNFMC7Wzn7">is it weird if I kind of missed you</a>
</p><p>(pale saints - sight of you)</p><p> </p><p>anyway just in case part two is taking a while, I'm juggling like three fics right now including my thing for the candlenights exchange? which definitely has a deadline so I am prioritizing that one (my guy requested angst with a happy ending and I am taking those instructions very seriously so get ready), but there is more of this story to come rest assured</p><p>hey leave a comment if you want to! or come talk to me on tumblr or both, I'm hayanna.tumblr.com and I adore making new friends</p><p>thanks &lt;33</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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